Comments on Unexpected Death

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Comments on Unexpected Death

Postby wizzard » November 25th, 2007, 9:18 pm

What does everyone think?

Feedback?

Thanks,

Martin
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Postby biscuit » December 11th, 2007, 2:24 pm

Ooh, nice start. When can we expect chapter 2?

I'm liking it so far!
A wise woman once said "Pedantic is just another word for precise and careful"

Another wise woman invented Hangdwarf and the now immortalised phrase 'Friday 13th. Ooopsie.' :)
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Postby Spirit » December 11th, 2007, 2:41 pm

Great start, looking forward to reading more........and more n more n more :P
Beat me, whip me, call me fluffy--AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!
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Postby biscuit » December 12th, 2007, 1:56 pm

liked the second part too, only bit that i couldn't visualise was the comment about the hair being short, as if it had been recently shorn and was regrowing. Maybe if you said something like the skin on his scalp was paler than his neck, as if his hair had been recently shorn and was now regrowing.. don't know, just struggled to see how you would know otherwise that that wasn't it's normal lenght.

Otherwise really really good! Next please!
A wise woman once said "Pedantic is just another word for precise and careful"

Another wise woman invented Hangdwarf and the now immortalised phrase 'Friday 13th. Ooopsie.' :)
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