Secrets

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Secrets

Postby Pretty_Blossom » August 4th, 2005, 12:27 pm

Everybody has secrets. They can be little secrets, like "I stole the cookies from the jar", or big secrets, like "I stole the money from the bank".

My secret is huge. I wouldn't be telling it to you if it wasn't for the fact that you're my companion, and you understand me better than anybody else. You know when I hide something, that's the whole point of companions - they are supposed to keep us out of troubles until we go through the rescrambling ceremony, and also give us some guidance to the future, before we actually go to the place that we are supposed to go.

You know what the rescrambling ceremony is, right? When we get to the right age, we go to the rescrambler and it rescrambles our DNA. This causes our body to change and get new physical properties, which means that we can go live in other planets. If it doesn't work on the first time, we get another go, until our DNA is fit to live on one of the planets.

There is a lot known about different genes, but some of the sequences are not familiar. It's OK, usually - most of the times it doesn't make any physical difference, but sometimes it does...

You know I'm going to PS-87331, that is the planet I am fit to live in. What you don't know, and neither does anybody else, is that when I get there, and the changes in my body will be complete, I will no longer be one of us. I will become something different, something unique. It's something that will create a whole new race. It's something that will cause the collapse of civilization as we know it.

I will be the first of that new race. I already found a name for it: Human.
Yasmin ;-)

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Postby KronKron » August 4th, 2005, 12:31 pm

does it end there?
From below the dragon dark comes forth,
Nithhogg flying from Nithafjoll;
The bodies of men on his wings he bears
(Section from the Voluspa)
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Postby Pretty_Blossom » August 4th, 2005, 12:40 pm

so far, yes. Does it need more?
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Postby KronKron » August 4th, 2005, 12:43 pm

I don't know...usually short stories are around 900-5000 words long
From below the dragon dark comes forth,
Nithhogg flying from Nithafjoll;
The bodies of men on his wings he bears
(Section from the Voluspa)
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Postby Pretty_Blossom » August 4th, 2005, 12:45 pm

This one's a short-short story for now
Yasmin ;-)

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Postby KronKron » August 4th, 2005, 12:47 pm

why dont you expand on why the narrator has been chosen for this planet and why they have to have their genetic code totally restructured
From below the dragon dark comes forth,
Nithhogg flying from Nithafjoll;
The bodies of men on his wings he bears
(Section from the Voluspa)
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Postby Pretty_Blossom » August 4th, 2005, 12:49 pm

The whole universe in which it happens is not so clear in my mind yet. I kinda wrote it for the punchline.
Yasmin ;-)

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Postby KronKron » August 4th, 2005, 12:50 pm

and a good punchline it is too
From below the dragon dark comes forth,
Nithhogg flying from Nithafjoll;
The bodies of men on his wings he bears
(Section from the Voluspa)
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Postby NorkNork » August 4th, 2005, 2:28 pm

Very good.
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Postby Findtherma » August 4th, 2005, 11:38 pm

I actually like it the way it is. I don't think it really needs adding to, at least not from the narrator's point of view.

I think that if you want to expand the universe then perhaps write a spinoff with another character.

Just an idea.

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Postby Pretty_Blossom » August 5th, 2005, 7:54 am

Wasn't planning on adding to this one. Not originally when I wrote it and now I don't quite remember what it is that the universe looks like. I think this could be the prolog sequence for a story set in the future when the humans actually meet the rest of the universe.
It sounds a lot like Strata, though.
Yasmin ;-)

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Postby wizzard » August 5th, 2005, 8:53 am

Pretty_Blossom wrote:It sounds a lot like Strata, though.


It does a bit. Btw, was the planet numbering system supposed to be like Stargate SG1 or it just happens to be?

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Postby Pretty_Blossom » August 6th, 2005, 1:34 am

The numbering system... might be inspired by it. Don't remember when I wrote it excatly but I think I already started watching Stargate by then so it would have been in my head. I know I didn't want to name the star because the narrator has to have invented the name too and it would have ruined the punchline to call it Sol or Earth. It isn't really related to stargate though.
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Postby wizzard » August 6th, 2005, 10:40 pm

That's kind of what I guessed.

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