Poem

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Please grade this poem out of 1-10!

1
0
No votes
2
0
No votes
3
0
No votes
4
0
No votes
5
1
10%
6
2
20%
7
2
20%
8
3
30%
9
1
10%
10
1
10%
 
Total votes : 10

Poem

Postby NorkNork » June 27th, 2005, 10:33 am

This is a little poem i wrote - please don't feel confused by the title - it has significance to me alone.

Tuba

You are dark, wet and slimy
Hide in obscure corners of my hunted mind
You breathe water and drink air
Hiding under the surface, never seeing the light

Silently, you pass your time
Striding like a behemoth through an untamed garden
Of seaweed, pulsating with the beat
Of an eldritch melody

Once an eon, it is time
To rise above the churning depths
To food, to light, to tempting shores
Where waiting lies, wrapt in sleep,
A princess...

Inspiration for a song so dark
So powerful it makes the surface bubble
With strange sounds and rhythmic blows
Of the Bullfrog's Love Song

Crawling, dripping, on dry land
Amphibious, not aqueous, limbs adept for walking
Pausing for a second to look back at murky depths
But then you turn your gaze away
And look instead at lush green hills

So vast, majestic, overwhelming
Cold winds freezing bone and blood
Don't you wish you were back in your pond
You look back, but you see only ice...
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Postby NorkNork » June 27th, 2005, 10:34 am

Feel free to comment & discuss.
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Postby biscuit » June 27th, 2005, 10:34 pm

Pretty cool poem! I can't write poetry at all, but my sister does. I like it, but I'm not a good enough critic to discuss whether the rhythum etc is correct!

:D
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Postby Slippery Jim D'Griz » June 29th, 2005, 3:06 pm

whys it called tuba?
tubas dont live underwater :?
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Postby NorkNork » June 29th, 2005, 3:07 pm

Like I said, the title is hard to explain, but it does have a meaning.
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Postby commander_vimes » June 29th, 2005, 8:24 pm

quite cool yeah, so wots the meaning?
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Postby NorkNork » June 29th, 2005, 8:37 pm

Extremely difficult to explain.
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Postby Pretty_Blossom » August 4th, 2005, 1:01 pm

I'm not really into poetry. Still, I guess it's ok.
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Postby KronKron » August 4th, 2005, 1:19 pm

damn, I forgot to ask you properly about this after narrowing it down to "Something that happens in a book you're reading at school"
From below the dragon dark comes forth,
Nithhogg flying from Nithafjoll;
The bodies of men on his wings he bears
(Section from the Voluspa)
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Postby Pretty_Blossom » August 4th, 2005, 1:25 pm

huh?
Yasmin ;-)

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Postby KronKron » August 4th, 2005, 1:28 pm

I asked him why it's called Tuba, its got something to do with a book he's reading at school
From below the dragon dark comes forth,
Nithhogg flying from Nithafjoll;
The bodies of men on his wings he bears
(Section from the Voluspa)
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Postby luckycatz » August 5th, 2005, 4:06 pm

Stupid question, but.... is one the best or is ten the best when voting?
lol....I love poetry, i even write some, not often though. If i'm not in the mood to write then when I try to write it comes out like crap. But, I really liked your peom. I tend to not see things as they are, but I think its about trials, going through lifes changes, discovering love and going for it. Whether it be about love or simply moving out. Thats why I like poetry, it can mean so many different things. Poems take on the meaning of the reader. Even though the writer has one thing on there mind, the reader interprets and takes the peom in as they want or need to.
SO, when I figure out the voting thing then i'll vote :D !
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Postby Link » August 5th, 2005, 4:21 pm

Pah. didn't rhyme. :D
Is there some kind of self reference there? not about you being a tuba, I'm sure you're not, but the coded reference to biding your time from the darkness, etc. You're not batman, are you?
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Postby NorkNork » August 5th, 2005, 5:02 pm

@ luckycatz: 10 is the best.

@ link: there might just be a hint of self-reference there.
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Postby luckycatz » August 5th, 2005, 5:06 pm

You really are batman!!!! That’s awesome! We have something in common.
I'm Catwoman!!!!
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