Unfortunately, I'm back...

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Unfortunately, I'm back...

Postby kyuudousha » July 28th, 2006, 11:02 am

Sorry for disappearing, I have been incredibly busy and hadn't realised it had been this long...

As the 'old hands', as it were, already know, I do like a good argument.

So I decided it was time to take on a few people. You may have seen in the media recently about people claiming back their bank charges. Well I'm one of them.

I have taken on two banks so far Barclays and another. However, I Shan't Be Calling the second bank by name as it was part of the agreement in the return of my bank charges (and interest and compensation for the stress caused) that I sign a confidentiality agreement, so please don't ask who the second bank was as I won't be able to tell you.

The second bank caved in before they even got to court, the wusses, and paid out a rather nice sum... Barclays on the other hand are holding out and I am just waiting for the court case date.

I have been reliably informed that they will fold before the eventual court date, but still, I'm ready for them if they don't.

I have also taken on a whole load of other people and am currently looking at suing two finance companies for breaches of the Data Protection Act 1984 and the Consumer Credit Act 1974.

I am having so much fun with them that it should be illegal..!

However, researching this lot has taken up a whole load of research time hence my disappearance for a while.

My big problem is when BIG companies just walk all over the little guy, I hate that.

In the lull (as I was waiting for letters to cross in the post etc.) I decided to write off a letter of complaint to a shirt company. This was done as a bit of light relief and with tongue stuck firmly in cheek. I have tagged it on the end here.

Anyway, good to be back and will keep you posted.

Tara!

Having received some shirts in the post on Wednesday I decided to try them on. Everything was fine but they were creased from being in the packaging. They were supposed to be non-iron shirts, and, as I was stood there ironing them I thought to myself:



“Why am I stood here ironing a non-iron shirt?”



So I wrote a letter of complaint to Charles Tyrwhitt Shirts, albeit somewhat tongue in cheek that went like this:


Dear Mr Tyrwhitt

Thank you very much for delivering my shirt order ######### with all due alacrity, I received them in good order.

The purpose of buying the new shirts was to attend my cousins’ daughters christening in Lincolnshire (where I used to reside and was a volunteer member of the Fenland Mountain Rescue Team. My job was to maintain the five 3’ lengths of rope at our disposal as I had, unfortunately, lost my head for heights in a particularly nasty rescue involving a kerb. Anyway, I digress). Bunty her name is. My cousins’ daughter, that is, not the rope.

Before setting off from the frozen north of West Yorkshire I placed the aforementioned shirts straight into my overnight bag, still in their cellophane wrappers so as to keep them fresh and clean, along with all the other accoutrements necessary for an overnight stay in the shires. We had booked ourselves into a local hostelry called “The Farmer Giles” (which is just down the road from the “The Bunch of Grapes” where the Fenland Mountain Rescue Team used to meet) which we arrived at in good time for a light snack and a small sweet sherry before making our way to our room to get changed ready for the big event. Oh the excitement! We hadn’t had a family get together since the release of Grandpa A in 2002.

Well, imagine my total surprise when I removed the aforementioned shirts from their cellophane wrapping only to find them creased in several places! I had already put the mint shirt on when Mrs A came out of the bathroom and damn nearly choked on her Liebfraumilch when she saw the state of me! This is no laughing matter I can tell you. Nobody should have to see Mrs A choking, especially after a light snack. Ordinarily, I would have taken the shirts out of their wrapper and given them a damned good ironing* before embarking on a journey of this nature, however, it clearly states that these shirts are non-iron!

Obviously, Mrs A absolutely forbade me from attending church in an un-ironed shirt which was rather a shame as I was the Godfather to dear old Bunty. I believe that the only person available to stand in for me at such short notice was a chap called ‘Dancing Fred’ who is Spalding’s resident alcoholic (apparently he does a rather amusing ‘jig’ to earn himself some metholated spirits money!) as he happened to be passing at the time.

What a mess! Poor Bunty!

You have, therefore, left me with two options:

1. I demand recompense in the form of a spare set of the ‘collar bones’ that come with your shirts plus a nominal sum towards the hotel room cleaning bill from the choking incident.

Or

2. You can treat this e-mail as the joke that it is and has only been written to break up the tedium of a rather dull Thursday morning. You could perhaps also take pity on me after a tale of such woe and misery, even though it is a blatant fabrication, and send me a spare pair of ‘collar bones’ anyway, as I frequently lose them and I would then have to use the cheap, plastic ones as provided by one of your competitors. I shall not, for obvious reasons, name ********* for fear of legal action. As the shirts that you have provided are indeed of outstanding quality and impeccably tailored you don’t need much of an imagination to see what a travesty of justice this would be for your shirts. Having cheap, plastic ‘collar bones’ that is.

Yours rather hopefully,

* I have had to hand two of my shirts in at the local police station during the recent amnesty on bladed weapons as the creases I had ironed down the sleeves would have made a samurai’s sword look like a butter knife!

PS You did get that this is NOT a real complaint didn’t you?



I thought it was vaguely amusing and, so it would appear, did the nice lady at Charles Tyrwhitt as she took the trouble to reply thusly:


Dear Sir

Thank you for your email.

Please accept my apologies for the inconveniences, that may have been caused due to our Samurai creases on the Mint Non Iron shirt.

The Collar stiffeners will be sent to your billing address and will arrive in 5 working days.

I hope your wife has recovered from the hotel situation and I have forwarded this email to our Customer Feedback Department.

If I can be of any further assistance please do not hesitate to contact me.

Best Regards

Customer Service Representative



It’s nice to know that others have a sense of humour also, even if it is slightly warped. However, the nett result is that I got some free collar stiffeners out of them and brightened up a rather dreary day, so I decided to thank them with my final reply:



My dearest Customer Service Representative

Thank you so much for your prompt reply. To allow us all to gain some sort of closure on the traumatic events of the recent past I have decide to write to you to let you know how it all turned out.*

Firstly, Mrs A was so traumatised by the events that she has booked herself into the Seaview Sanitorium for the Mentally Bewildered in Skegness. By all accounts it is a rather top-hole institution run by a Mrs Wilson, whom, I am told, is of 'Stirling Character'. She should be there no longer than a few months.

Secondly, my cousin and his family are no longer talking to me. Oh well, such is life. When having a snifter with 'Dancing Fred' the christening buffet was not all it was hyped up to be! Apparently there was no 'meths' at the bar.

Thirdly, the confiscated shirts had all the problems 'ironed out', as they say, and were made safe by the West Yorkshire Constabulary's Offensive Weapons experts and returned as short sleeve shirts.

Grandpa A is back inside again. The incident with the egg whisk and hostess trolley just won't go away it seems.

The nice landlady, Mrs Emma Roydes, from "The Farmer Giles" public house has decided not to press charges after all.

As for me? Well, I have overcome my irrational fear of heights by continuously crossing a particularly nasty road with extremely high kerbs. I started with the drop kerb and moved upwards from there. Small steps at a time, eh? I have also purchased my self a Royal Enfield Continental motorcycle and have decided to do the grand tour of Europe.

The spare set of collar stiffeners will be stowed safely away in the top box of the motorcycle until they are needed.

Bunty said "mor meffs". I’m not overly sure what it means but Dancing Fred said he was proud of his goddaughter.

So, you see, it all turned out okay in the end!

Many thanks and have a wonderful weekend.

Yours faithfully

* I really ought to get a job that holds my attention more...

THE END
:lol: Cuius testiculous habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum
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Re: Unfortunately, I'm back...

Postby wizzard » July 28th, 2006, 3:04 pm

kyuudousha wrote: However, I Shan't Be Calling the second bank by name as it was part of the agreement in the return of my bank charges (and interest and compensation for the stress caused) that I sign a confidentiality agreement, so please don't ask who the second bank was as I won't be able to tell you.


Hmm, shouldn't be too hard to guess who it could be.

Martin
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Postby cheery_littlebottom » July 28th, 2006, 3:08 pm

What would people like you do, if they had more spare time? :shock:

I liked your shirt exchange and am glad that you have come back and shared it with us! :D
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Re: Unfortunately, I'm back...

Postby kyuudousha » July 31st, 2006, 9:29 am

wizzard wrote:
kyuudousha wrote: However, I Shan't Be Calling the second bank by name as it was part of the agreement in the return of my bank charges (and interest and compensation for the stress caused) that I sign a confidentiality agreement, so please don't ask who the second bank was as I won't be able to tell you.


Hmm, shouldn't be too hard to guess who it could be.

Martin


It's all down to How Should Banks Conduct their business. I'm not sure if they can actually silence me as all I did was request my money back that they had taken unlawfully....

Still you can't be too careful in my opinion.

:shock:
:lol: Cuius testiculous habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum
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Re: Unfortunately, I'm back...

Postby The_Bad_Man » August 1st, 2006, 4:00 pm

kyuudousha wrote:
It's all down to How Should Banks Conduct their business. I'm not sure if they can actually silence me as all I did was request my money back that they had taken unlawfully....


Ok, ok, i'm a little slow i'm not too sure which bank your on about. So i'll ask some questions

Is it in Hong Kong?
Is it in Shanghai?
Is it a Banking Corporation?
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Postby kyuudousha » August 2nd, 2006, 7:13 am

I did say right at the beginning that there was no way that I could tell you that it was the HSBC bank, so please don't ask me again...

oops :oops:

Did I just write that out loud?
:lol: Cuius testiculous habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum
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